Mastering Intuition: thoughts on motherhood.

New Baby New Mom

I’ve already shared my baby’s arrival with you on Instagram and promised a proper blog post on motherhood that would do justice to the past four months.

Needless to say, being a mom is indescribable. It’s a forever project that you can’t put on pause. It’s the best version of “handmade” I know. The biggest project I’ve ever embarked on, and that’s why it has the prominent place in my life and of course in this blog. 

The last months have been a huge discovery for me and an immeasurable challenge. If in many of my projects I move forward without fear of a “blank canvas”, this new “blank canvas” occupies all my thoughts, worries and joys. It is something permanent and very sudden. And it relativizes all other things in life except the really important ones. It gives us a perspective of what is most valuable, of what we want to preserve and where we want to invest. This perception, at the level of motherhood, forces us, more than anything, to put it into practice, without postponements, rests or procrastination.

nem baby new mom

As a planner, when I found out I was pregnant I tried to prepare for everything. And there are things that society prepares us for. Today there are consultations, exams, books, courses and advice of all kinds. There are other things in the field of motherhood where I feel there is a lot of opinions but a huge lack of real information. But above all, nothing prepares us to surrender to the best and wisest knowledge of all: our intuition. And it was precisely in becoming a mother that I realized that despite so many years of studying, professional experiences, my adventures in so many areas, my handmade explorations, the information age we live in, the greatest skill I have to master to be a mother is in the use of my intuition. No handmade adventure has prepared me for this, no book, no course or work, no life experience, no advice. All of these things may have prepared me to be the person I have become, but in the end, the skill I ask for most today, on a daily basis, is my intuition. Very human, brutish and sometimes hard to understand.

It is with my intuition that I understand my baby’s needs, it is with it that I relativize the mountains of (mis)information that reach me daily, it is it that blinds me from comparisons and vain advice. It is by its non-universal measure that I measure the advantages and disadvantages of my choices, that I know the uniqueness of my situation as a mother and a person, of my relationship with my son in relation to the rest of the world. It is in my intuition that I lean when, even if different or controversial, my choices are made every day.

nem baby new mom

It was three months of the turnaround that all the mothers talk about out there. A kind of singularity that is incredibly widespread. I certainly not to forget  the permanent worries and fears that were born to stay and that I have yet to learn to deal with. Nor the sleepless nights that the body readily dismisses. And all those things that mothers don’t talk about openly because they raise storms of controversy. But for me, for every mother, there is a singular aspect that affects all but is incredibly different for each one. It is what we call “a life change.” But it goes far beyond taking care of someone and forgetting about yourself. Because, to me, it has forced me to hold back more, to collect myself even more, to know myself better in order to know my son better and to take a path that only I can take and only I will know how to take for him. It’s the stories that only have intensity in my heart, the silly things he makes that only I see and laugh at, the conquests that only have value for me. It’s like watching the greatest movie of all time running in front of me and to which only I watch and have access, attentively and intensely. The one in which I am a spectator and an actor and of which I don’t want to miss a second of each of my versions. A generalized singularity: we all agree that it is, but none of us feels it except from within, from the inside, from our gut.

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Right now, these moments are not stories

the sweetest wait 11

We are welcoming a baby bear next year.

One day we will remember the story of wishing, growing and welcoming a baby into our lives. From an overly dreamer like me, it might feel different from the way it enter our feelings right now. I am sure I will fantasize it even more! But that is why I love to write about all the things I make (almost all the things) on this blog. It captures the essence of my experiences, feelings, learning progress and the way I see it right in the moment. It might change, but it reminds me the motivations that boosted me to get something done. That is why I call them stories: they might seem different from one person to another. But at least they try to capture my point of view.

These moments will all be stories one day

These moments we are living now will all be stories one day: our bodies matching together in a hug with a bump in the middle, the excitement in our eyes when you start to think about it, the complicity of something that is really shared, the air touching our skin when you know a secret, our voices and kisses trying to go inside, the finest nerves of our hands touching my bump expecting to be sensitive enough for something so tiny, the kicks that recall us, every single day, that there is someone inside. The urge to know him, the will to savoring him the closest he will be to us ever.

preserving moments
preserving moments
preserving moments

But right now, these moments are not stories

But right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening and I could swear, we are infinite. We are right in the moment. 

I wish I had the answer to capture it for the future. But no words seem right, I don’t seem eloquent to express, I don’t think I can even express it all with my body and face. I just keep getting more and more impressed with our human nature. Not even photos can capture everything. But we try, we always try to preserve things, even the things we know are invisible. That is what makes us humans. So I hope words, sounds, textures and images can gather something in the way. At least they can give us a hint to remember fully. 

Preserving moments

These photos were taken by Monica from @madlyyoursphotography on Instagram, on one of our special places to go and admire. There is a role to play from both sides: we don’t really know what to do to express it on a picture but we try to be ourselves. She, might do it everyday, but I think that you must enter in a fantasy world to fully capture other peoples intimate moments. 

preserving moments
preserving moments
preserving moments
preserving moments

One day, these pictures will become those old photographs

The photos were so much fun to take, and it gives me the best chills thinking that, one day, these pictures will become old photographs. I am living the moment, as much as I can, but something on these pictures makes me so fond of getting old and remember the days we were expecting our baby bear into our lives. 

Note: It might be controversial welcoming a bear into a rabbit’s hole. You see, that’s all part of the dream. 

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Homemaking: A new era.

So, we have now 5 months of war in europe and homemaking is making me sane.

The first thing I didn’t expect to pass during my lifetime was a world pandemic. The second thing I didn’t expect was a war in Europe, specially a land borders motivated war. Isn’t it a little “sec. XIII”?  After my reflection on my last post I realize that we have a lot of reasons now to create independence.

The urge of being content with some kind of loneliness or isolation is know enhanced with a necessary need of independence and homemaking. After the pandemic turned ourselves a focus of consumerism, now we might be forced into roll up our sleeves, get to work and being our own suppliers. Its a different mindset: the world is (still) changing and we have to prioritize. First we were encouraged to curate our relationships and routines. Today we are encourage to curate our energy usage and think about what’s the main things in our live. When the pandemic hinted, we were all homemaking bread for fun and comfort. Today we might be homemaking bread for priority.

I used up all my yarn stash during the pandemic because it was making me sane, not because I need it. Today I might be working on some kind of “self sufficiency” mode. The common thing about these two things is that homemaking is the thing that keeps my mind and body healthy. When I feel powerless I always bake bread because it always amazes me that I actually “do something about it”, even if taking care of me or others. Homemaking is power.

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Blogs are dead

Wow! I didn’t mean to leave you waiting for so long for a blog post. This that mean blogs are dead? The last 12 months were packaged full with a lot of new projects, most of them handmade, creative or diy projects that I felt I could not stop feeding.

The years of 2020 and 2021 changed me a lot as well as my priorities. I am not trying to redeem myself or excuse me. This went as it should be, and one thing I am now more aware of is of what this blog means to me. Regarding this, I visited it so many times in the last 6 months and really enjoyed traveling through it as a reader. I made so many things through out the years and now everything is crystalized here. I am so proud! It really inspired me. So, in the end the last year, I took some time to think about it! Here are my thoughts.

“Blogs are dead!”

Many say that “blogs are dead”. Are they really? I read a lot of them, as well as other formats too and I think blogs are the closest to “home” you can find online these days. Other platforms don’t feel as yours as this one. During the last two years I saw many blogger friends turning themselves to Instagram, Youtube, etc and thrive. I am not that smart on social networks. I am not, I struggle a lot posting on social media. Don’t get me wrong: these are awesome platforms and I do consume and learn a lot from them. And I should use them much more than I do. But I am mostly a “word” person and so I feel better blogging, even if blogs are dead.

The online world also changed

Two years ago the world changed and in just a few weeks we directed ourselves online for work, communication, entertainment, etc. Online social media platforms were the intermediators between us, people, economy and even nature… Every single marketing strategy was moving from the streets to online.

Following this, I started to see that I was consuming my favorite content while being pushed to the marketing strategies I have always hated. I am an advertising rebel. I stopped watching TV and listen to radio many years ago. Just because the quality rate between advertising and actual content stressed me out: the sound, the colors, the scenes, the lack of creativity  and the obnoxious time it takes for so little content (most of the times very poor quality content at least here in Portugal). Don’t get me wrong: I recognize the power of advertising and I thing it can be an awesome thing. But today, most of it, it is not.

A dependence relationship

I could ramble about this for hours but I am not going to. My point here is that I have seen my favorite bloggers, who consciously choose to advertise or be sponsored by products or companies in which they really believe, being hit, by inappropriate dramatic advertising. Most of these products don’t even merge within their content. They take more and more time for the consumer and are literally using the boost of these bloggers content just to making it a lower experience.

Some bloggers and content creators really suffered a lot with this: they got trapped in a relationship that started fine and sane but that is just getting more and more possessive. Some are just cutting the umbilical cord but many others are not in a position of doing that. In addition, people being stuck and devoting many time to online consumerism triggered many trolls and judgmental reactions to other peoples ways of living.

People were consuming everything: the things they love and the things they don’t love without any criteria and literally pushing down anything that was either different from the way they do things or everything they ever dreamed of. Two things were triggering this attitude: difference and envy, even that we commonly chose to read them as “tradition” and “humbleness”. So we judge. It’s the human nature. But as humans, we always get to choose how we read our own attitudes. 

What about me?

While being an introvert I typically isolate myself from those type of self expression. I know it does me no good. Any good. I can imagine what it does to those creators that somehow depend on their content to keep a living;  I advocate of positive feedback; I choose not to comment if I have nothing good to say; I chose to support them if I can so that they can deliver; I am happy for their success; I learn from them. You see, as humans, the quality of their content often depends of the people on the other side of this conversation. May be it shouldn’t, but It is, as any other type of relationship. Both expect, both sides expect.

The other flippy side of this is this algorithm thing that is just another lucky game: no-one ever knows what is coming. The pandemic showed us that you cannot take anything for granted but also showed us the things in which we can always rely on. Algorithms also show us that you cannot take anything for granted but are unable to catch any type of reliability. Its a constant game with changing rules every minute. As Nature shows us: I thing its not worth the energy. We have limited energy anyways. 

Make independence, not war.

These days I see many content creators turning they efforts to a more curated audience and to independent production. I guess they believe that it is more rewarding to expect from their people (people seem to be at least an inch more reliable these days) than random algorithms. If you love the game, just play it. Don’t ever depend on it. And this is something I am taking for live: dependence is only healthy if you can rely on things no matter what. So, for now, the things I am blogging about will focus independence and self esteem. I will curated my space more, share my thoughts more and provide more to my subscribers. I will keep posting, although more occasionally, about homemaking, skills, tutorials, slowing down, nature connection and create an independent living and a space in which we can all rely. Let’s move on.

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